Parental Advisory

Dear Linus’ Mom:

Linus sure has been having a good time this holiday season. This is good, but you should know that he has neglected his work on Pepper of the Earth, and that his exuberant eating and drinking habits sometimes frighten the other children.

Last night, for example, we were pleased that Linus went out to Williamsburg in the windy cold to see the Howard Fishman Quartet and Marissa Nadler in the back boxcar room at Pete’s Candy Store. He enjoyed Marissa’s Goth-folk – what if Judy Collins had a thing for severe eyeliner and trenchant deep-wash reverb? – and Howard Fishman’s rambunctious thumpy Tom-Waits-For-No-Man blues-drizzled musical soupçon, though the band started quite late and he had to leave after only a few songs.

However, his attempt later on to drink all of the beer at Spuyten Duyvil was uncalled for, no matter how pretty the labels on the bottles are. As you know, Linus becomes quite enthusiastic at times like these, and some of the other boys and girls felt that he was playing too hard for their toys. Some of them left the sandbox early and were very agitated.

As for the incident at the Grand Sichuan restaurant on Thursday, perhaps the less said about that the better. It is just not appropriate to finish the hot and sour soup and the wontons in red chili oil and the smoked tea duck and the aizhou fresh chicken and the Mao’s home cooking pork with chestnuts, and then think about eating more. Some of the girls were very frightened that he might eat them too, and judging from the curious look in his eyes he might very well have been thinking about it.

As you know, we in New York do not condone having Too Much Fun. Please ask Linus to have just A Little Bit Of Fun in future so that he will be a better citizen. And tell him to quit it with the crazy girls, he should know better by now.

Very truly yours,

The City of New York

About Linus

The man behind the curtain. But couldn't we get a nicer curtain?
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