Punxsutawney Phil shoulda stood in bed, according to the Detroit Free Press (actually what they say is that P. Philly — his hip-hop name, you know — “has spoken,” which is something I’d like to hear). Six more weeks of winter, if you take your Groundhog Day prognostications from Gobbler’s Knob down Punxsutawney way, which judging by load times has the world’s busiest web server this afternoon.
Our local-hero marmot, Staten Island Chuck, is a more pragmatic beast. “Early spring,” he opines, no doubt checking the food dish to see if his keepers agree.
Who Knew Dep’t: “During the winter months (generally October to February), groundhogs hibernate, losing up to half of their body weight while sleeping through the cold weather on a bed of grass. Their respiration slows to one breath every 6 minutes, their pulse drops from 110 to 4 beats per minute and their body temperature can get as low as 40 degrees from a normal of 97” (Encyclopedia Groundhog). One breath every six minutes and 4 bpm … I think I did that last Saturday morning. It was kind of nice. Plus you lose half your body weight. Where’s the downside here? I’ll take the Groundhog Diet, please.
For dinner this evening? Why, Pulled Punx to start, I think, followed by Ground Hog patties, Tête de Marmot, and a side of Posticker Phils. (Inigo Montoya voice) “And one day I will meet the shadow-seeing groundhog. And I will say to heem, Get in ma belly.”
Six more weeks of winter indeed. Bah and humbug.