For ups of 15 years I haven’t had a TV. Technically speaking I have one now, but since it’s friends only with the aging DVD player and does not actually receive television – I’m in a basement apartment, so that’s that for the airwaves, and I’ve resisted cable all these years on the assumption that otherwise I’ll be able to find some variant of Star Trek at any hour and will never get anything done – it’s pretty much like not having one at all.
This makes for endless entertainment. For example, I never understand anything anyone says until at least lunchtime the day after a popular show.
Person in the Office: No soup for you! Whoa ho ho ho!
Me: This is a bagel.
Person in the Office: Still.
For another, and I count this a blessing, Gawker is for the most part an incomprehensible wave of cheeky irrelevance, and since I have no idea what they’re ever talking about, I don’t have to read it.
When I do get TV obsessions they come via DVD’s, which in turn come from generous-lender friends of mine who occasionally get them back. My record so far for a season of 24 is just under four days. Yay Jack Bauer!
Since there isn’t any more Firefly coming – woe! woe! woe! – I get my necessary Joss Whedon fix via Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD’s, which I borrow from the estimable Jess. Once I’m done with it there’s no more Buffy coming down the pike, so I try to amble through the series rather than racing. This worked fine with the first three pretty-good seasons, but Season Four was – how shall I put it? – so totally awesome that I sucked it down like a 24 cocktail.
Um, here there be spoilers. Just so you know. I’m pretty sure I’m the only guy in America who has only seen Buffy up to Season Four so far, but you never know.
So last night I’m laired on the sofa, a platter of take-out Chinese simmering in the belly, and I turn for dessert to the special features commentaries. Joss, writer Marti Noxon, and actor Seth Green are giggly and interesting as they talk their way through the Wild at Heart episode. If you’re a Buffy buff, you’ll recall that the Slayer is just getting over a bad experience with Parker (the bum!) at this point; Riley is making his first overtures; Oz and Willow are about to pile up on some sharp sharp relationship rocks, via a comely young werewolf bitch named Veruca (also there’s some business about saving the world, but who cares about that).
Joss: (blah blah blah, sex leads to trouble on my shows, just look at Willow and Oz – so peaceful, something has to happen, blah blah blah) …and then, of course, in Season Six when Buffy and Spike have sex –
Joss: Oops. I think I ruined someone’s year.